One week later

It's been a week now since my last and final failed cycle. I wish I could say that I'm doing better, but it would be a lie. A few days ago I thought that I was fine with never having another child. But now it seems like everyone around me is preggy, everyone but me that is. Yesterday at church I had to see a newborn in the nursery. A baby boy got baptized, he has a sister a few months older than Lydia. During the baptism, all I could think of is how Lydia won't have a baby sister or brother and how we'll never get to stand up and have another child baptized. A lady sitting behind me told me her son and daughter in law are expecting their second child, their first is a few months younger than Lydia. When we got home Dh told me another couple in our church are expecting their second child. Their first dd is younger than Lydia. Then I went to get my hair cut and wouldn't you know it, the dang hairdresser told me she just found out she's preggy, young and not married of course. WTH is up with everyone but me getting preggy!!! Right now I just want to scream and cry. I'm sooooo pissed!!!!! I know I have to accept that I will never have another child. I have no choice. I want so badly to be able to cycle again, but know that I can't even mention it to dh. There's no way he will consider it. I'm thankful for Lydia, but I can't help that I want another baby. I really didn't expect to feel this way.