HPT #3, 4, and 5

SH!T, SH!T, and SH!T!! Yes, that's right I took not just one, not just two, but three hpts this morning. Guess I'm a gluton for punishment. All three were BFN, don't know why I thought a different type would give me different results. Went and had my blood drawn and am waiting for my clinic to call. With my past failed cycles my clinic has never called until late in the afternoon. I wish they'd just call right away and not prolong the dreaded news. Not that I really want to hear that I'm not preggy, but I know it's coming. I admit, I still have a tiny bit of hope that all 5 tests were wrong. Like that's going to happen. I'm not doing my prometrium or delestrogen this morning. Why bother!! Three yrs ago today is the day that these embies were created. For some stupid reason, when I saw my beta would be on this day I foolishly thought that it would bring me good luck to have the beta on the embies' creation anniversary. I've always taken pics of Lydia and video recordered on this anniversary. It's always been a happy day. I don't want the happiness I've felt for this day for the past 3 yrs to be ruined now because of this BFN. I really should email or call my mom and sister with the news, but don't want/feel like it. Telling others is going to make it real. Right now I'm stuffing my face with donut holes and some type of pastry and waiting for Lydia to wake up. Thank God I have her! Dh is working until 3pm. It's going to be very hot today, otherwise I'd just go outside and watch Lydia play.